My Nine Year Aniversary

Though the 5th of May is technically my nine year aniversary it still is the 5th to me because I got up late and am still up so technically it's still "today" for me even though it's already technically the 6th of May.

I left the Detox 9 years ago today on May the 5th of 1996 and have never looked back, and not even really looked forward all that far either....just to today.

I'm not going to say that it's been a journey, simply because it still is a journey and I'm still on it and God willing I will be for the rest of my life, however long that may be.

I won't lie and tell you how rosy my life and sobriety are because that would be a lie. It hasn't been hard for me to stay sober but life has been difficult at times along the way. I've just kind of plugged along and done what I've had to do and never lost my memory of how bad it was and kept praying and here I am still clean and sober.

I've made some friends along the way and lost some, made some new enemies and made friends out of former ones....life has moved along and I'm still here.

God spoke to me once just over nine years ago, not in words but in feelings, "he" or "it" or "her" or "whatever" it was came to me that night and told me something I've never forgotten.

"You have free will, if you pick up again (A drug or a drink) I will not be able to help you, not because I don't want to or do not have the power, but because you will not want it, you will not have another chance because you will never give yourself another chance."

Whatever it was that came into my room that night I weakly called for help, I call God, and through emotions that is what God said to me.

God has been silent since. There were many nights in early sobriety when I would dread going back to my dingy two room apartment after an A.A. meeting. I had no power and no money and no food, I would sit in the dark with just one little lamp powered by an extension cord going into my friend Clints apartment. I would sit on my bed talking to God and waiting for sleep to come and he would comfort me, his spirit was just there, not saying anything but it was there....and finally I would find sleep.

That's where I started.